I've gazed upon my soul, through some cavernous hole, shrouded in a deep hue of blue that veils & conceals the radiant Empyrean of light within my heart.
The essence of all I hold dear is suspended in that still mist, devoured by the jagged jaws of the Demiurge, sucked & slithered into an endless, starving stomach that twists & corrupts my wants & wills.
I've become some forlorn wraith, blown into billowing winds of worry & waste above the trees & joys of this good Earth, forever to haunt & shriek behind frosty windows below.
How could I enjoy the greatest life, only to feel I needed more & cast it all away as I turned my eyes blind to the love who cared for me so tenderly?
I spend days dwelling on some idea of noble goodness, yet I've left so much sorrow in my ruinous wake.
Maybe this is a sacrifice I must make, like a peaceful bodhisattva. Perhaps it is my fateful, faithful due to live detached & deprived from mortal constraints, if only to save another from my claws & scars.
Or maybe I give myself too much grace.
Have I flown myself so high into great blue sky of hopeful commitment, that I've trapped myself beyond the firmament into the navy seas above, never to find my way home again?
Am I damned to sail forever across time & space, consumed into a never-ending maelstrom of churning desire that burns & flays like hellfire, leaving me shivering cold & alone?
On the path t'ords some beautiful Eudaimonia, I've strayed onto a trail of sin for which I can never atone.
So I've locked myself for eternity at the center of a frozen lake of flame, with the mournful eyes & vengeful horns of The Satan himself: love's bane.
So help me lord on high, let me be good in the eyes of goodness again, if thou feels it so deserved. For this I pray to myself if no other.
Into the bosom of temptation I sink my head in shame, for I can never meet the gaze of God again, until I thaw my windswept veins & spill forth crimson rivers of bloody vulnerability on which to sail my way home into the holy city of the Sun.
Amen.
留言